RSVP Magazine

Sex, sex, sex! What is it like to visit a sex show?

People have “full-on sexual intercourse” at a sex show, that is the lesson RSVP’s Mikie O’Loughlin learned on recent trip to Amsterdam. Here, he speaks about his experience at the raunchy performance, who was there and what exactly went on during the ninety minute spectacle. 

Sipping my vodka and 7up through a straw and casually folding my Zara jacket in case it got creased, I could never have prepared myself for the astonishment and entertainment that I was about to face at the Moulin Rouge Sex Show in Amsterdam.

The city’s infamous Red Light District is home to some of the most stunning prostitutes, selling their services to tourists and locals a like, but as I ventured to one of the many sex shows on offer, you get the feeling it will be quite seedy or sordid- but I guess that was just in my head.

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Traipsing through the many alleys and windy turns of the “De Wallen” area, girl after girl, window after window,  selling sex became the norm, it was not a big deal and certainly not to be mocked.

As a stereotypical Irish guy- you know yourself- sex is a well-kept secret; naked ladies are only seen in the bedroom with the lights off, or in porn, but that’s also hush-hush. Intercourse should only happen between a man and a woman behind closed doors and under no circumstances should we be looking at girls in their knickers through a window or definitely not enjoying a drink while a sex worker pulls a rope out of her lady bits.

Taking a chance and feeling confident, my friend Chloe and I were easily enticed by the glamourous lights and eager tone of the doorman and all of a sudden we had forked out €40 and were sitting 10 feet away from a stage. However, I had two free drinks in hand, so things were not all doom and gloom.

Not before long, star number one was writing a dirty message on an audience member’s chest with a permanent marker, a permanent marker lodged firmly in her vagina- yes, I said the word vagina but let’s call it a “Francis” from now on.

As the second act, this time a man and woman, began to have sexual intercourse I started to question why I was there and what the hell was going on? But to be honest, I was happily content sitting on a barstool and the word sleazy did not enter my head at all. It was all very tame and everyone was there out of pure curiosity coupled with a touch of devilment.

The audience was predominantly made up of couples, whether in a relationship or just friends, and that made me feel more at ease. This was a performance, we had paid to see a show and everyone was there because they wanted to see what was going on.

Even though five acts came stage to have sex with each other and or perform their party trick- including changing up their positions and playing with bananas- there was nothing very sexually appealing about being there, I was nowhere near turned on and it didn’t look like any of the spectators were there for any sexual gratification.

I am the worst person for judging ages, but out of the seven stars that came out, only one of them was aged less than 30 years old.  Is that good or bad? I don’t know.

The stand out moment from the show was the final act and her piece of fruit. Inviting three audience members to join her on stage, they were all treated to a rather sugary treat. One at a time two men- one in his 20’s and one in his 50’s- and a woman in her early 30’s took a bite of a banana. First of all, the banana was located in her breasts, then in her mouth and to finish off in style… it was in her Francis!

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I would love to have snapped the whole event, but there was a strict ban on cameras and pictures in the venue- which is completely understandable and there is such respect for the sex industry in Amsterdam.

Punters keep coming in and out throughout the whole show and people were allowed to leave whenever the wanted- but who would want to leave? This show was not something that you would see in Coppers of a regular Saturday night.

Would I go back? Probably not. They are not individuals that I plan on seeing ever again, but it was an experience like no other and I would recommend it to anybody. It may be best not to head there with a family member though- just to save the awkwardness.

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